As humans, we are given the cool gift of one another.
Relationships can be hard, unless we acknowledge them as the sacred assignments they are. Relationships give us exactly what we need to continue to grow into our highest, best selves.
Each romantic relationship you enter offers you lessons that you still need to learn. It could be the lesson you need to learn about being vulnerable. Or maybe you need to let others in instead of pushing them away. Your lesson may be to embody your confidence, your voice, or your self-love.
The problem people encounter when they enter into romantic partnerships is that they look to their person to be the source of their happiness.
The sentiment is usually, “If only my boyfriend did this and said this in this exact way, then I’d feel okay.” Or, “If only my wife would stop doing this, and start doing this, then I’d feel less depressed.” When you need your partner to be, do, or say anything other than what they are, you’re walking on rocky terrain.
This is because it is not your partner’s job to make you happy. It isn’t your partner’s job to make you feel okay. And it isn’t your partner’s job to be the source of your sense of worth. It’s not even possible for them to do this, really. Because, truly, only you have the ability to create that for yourself.
Your partner’s job is to take care of themselves enough to cultivate authentic happiness in themselves. When they do, they can show up in a way that will feel exciting, fun, and loving. Your job is the same.
On some level, the romantic relationship isn’t even really about the other person. It’s about how you stay connected to and committed to yourself through it.
Anytime you feel hurt, triggered, or in need of something for them to do, say, or change in order for you to feel okay, it’s the sacred assignment tapping you on the shoulder. It’s telling you you still have some work to do.
Maybe you still need to learn how to take personal responsibility for your own feelings. Maybe it’s teaching you the need to release old trauma. Or that you still haven’t discovered who you really are.
It could be any number of things the sacred assignment is tasking you to learn. The truth is we dance with each other in relationships so we can confront our own blind spots. Those we love, date, and marry are merely our mirror to seeing ourselves in ways we most need to to evolve.
We have the choice to take on the sacred assignment.
We can choose to notice the things we do in relationships that don’t serve to enhance them, and look inward to discover why that is. It’s our job to be introspective and to reflect. We need to nurture our own pain points and heal our own wounds. We need to take responsibility to refine our own humanity with boundaries and conscious communication. This is the process of connecting to our authentic core; this is where we find our own unwavering sense of okay-ness.
It is through this process that the relationship becomes healthy and enriched. When we look to ourselves to meet our own authentic needs, we then more easily let go of what doesn’t actually matter. We learn to trust ourselves to make the right decision towards what does.
Anything else than this will keep us stuck in traps and habits that won’t ever allow the relationship to be its fullest, and will keep us stifled in our own growth process.
So, take on the assignment with vigor. Stay open and compassionate to yourself and your person. And watch how everything you’ve ever wanted transforms into tangible, accessible loving reality. Either with them, or with the next one you’ve determined can meet you where you can meet them.
Ultimately, it’s all just about meeting yourself in your truest place of unconditional love, passion, and respect. The rest falls perfectly into place.
Dr. Rachel is a Clinical Psychologist, Love Alchemist, and Conscious Communication Expert. If you want to learn more about sacred assignments, love alchemy, or conscious communication, hit her up on instagram. She loves hearing from you there!
