I had the notable pleasure of collaborating with Joy Donnell, a brand strategist, activist and entrepreneur dedicated to creating media that increases humanity.  Check her out here!

She asked some thought-provoking questions about the anxieties of success, how we heal, and what it takes to shift the cultural paradigm of what it means to define success as women leaders.  

➔ Why do we think success will solve all our problems?

• Our culture tells us we need things outside of ourselves to be happy.
• Many of us are led to believe that happiness, or the absence of problems, is driven by things/materials/symbols.
• Many women are only just starting to learn who they are. Often we’re misdirected, we idealize productivity because we think it’s a measure of our worth.
• This isn’t to say we shouldn’t strive to feel successful but it does means we have to learn to define that for ourselves uniquely.

➔ What is hedonistic adaptation and how does it block us from tapping into our inner truth?

• Hedonistic adaption is the idea that even when we experience conditions that elicits good feelings– an achievement, a bonus, whatever we’re striving for so that we can experience pleasure– we return to an original baseline once we’ve adapted to that condition. Human nature is composed of experiences that are in flux, always moving and changing.  When we strive for an experience that makes us feel good, the emotional response to it will naturally ebb and flow. Any internal state is impossible to sustain. We habituate to that thing, return to baseline.  So when we habituate to the new thing, we’re then left with ourselves again.  
• We need to be asking ourselves to define our own sense of inner truth/inner peace independent of any external condition. When we can shed the conditions that we say are supposed to make us happy, we eliminate suffering, we allow for more inner-trust and tolerance, and we heighten overall awareness. This makes us more real, authentic, and free.
• It’s not to say don’t strive to achieve. It’s to say, be sure to use gratitude and novelty-seeking often to the extent that you want to feel alive and wakeful. These can help us sustain excitement, pleasure and good feelings to help transform the baseline we’ll inevitably return home to.

➔ What are some of the hidden stressors women might face when upleveling?

• Women are holding potential, responsibility, power, varied roles now more than ever.
• Their own expectations, pressures, roles.
• Judgments, fear of losing those who aren’t up-leveling.
• Changing relationships dynamics (is their partner up-leveling too? Their best friends? Their family?)

➔ It can be extremely jarring to finally get that title, promotion, money infusion, etc. and find yourself disrupted rather than in a place of calm. How can we start to talk ourselves through moments like that?

• Notice and nurture the disrupted feeling.  Ask yourself, “What is this?”  “Am I bogging myself down by expectations, pressures, doubts, worries?”
• Shift to a present moment, elicit a nurturing mantra.  One of my favorites that I recently learned from Dr. Gay Henricks is, “I expand in abundance, success, and love everyday, and I inspire others to do the same.”
• I HIGHLY recommend his book The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level for any woman up-leveling. 

➔ We know that women have faced multiple layers of struggle in achieving their goals and dreams. The struggle is so real, it often drowns out the need to heal, let alone be present. How can we stay present and mindful while nurturing/pursuing our successes?

• We first have to notice that we’d benefit from it
• Then committ
• A passionate ruthless declaration to ourselves that we’re worth our own efforts to heal
• Knowing that this will help us achieve our goals in the ultimate ways

➔ How does diligence factor into us handling our upleveling with mindfulness?

• We have to bring a gentle ruthlessness to our presence
• It’s easy to be taken away from ourselves, to disconnect from the present moment
• Mindfulness requires a diligent stance of cultivating awareness

➔ Do you have any tips on how we can give ourselves compassion while we navigate uncharted waters?

• Develop a mantra that you rely on and recite often. Something like, “I allow for the unknown to unfold, I trust in my path, and I accept myself fully. I offer myself patience when I struggle, the time I need to learn new things, and gentle nurturance towards my faults. I trust in my worthiness and incredible capacity to expand.”
• Talk to yourself like you would a little girl who’s scared.
• Give yourself the validation you’d want to hear from someone you love.
• Consider the context and develop self-talk that nurturing.

If you’re interested in working with me in any capacity, schedule a call here!