Childhood trauma is the pervasive reason for most emotional dysregulation in adulthood. Conditioning is a series of systems, situations, modeling, and norms that composed your sense of self as you grew from an infant to a tween (and beyond, but these early years lay the powerful neurobiological foundation for belief and identity).
These early foundational experiences create what I call trauma imprints. Series of beliefs, perspectives, inner ecologies, and categories of meaning that when distorted from trauma turn into dysfunctional ways of being as adults.
Trauma is any threat to safety. It is a psychic response to an experience that elicits survival fear. Trauma happens on a spectrum and varies in type, severity, and function. It can be acute or it can be chronic.
My specialty is in complex developmental trauma. I also specialize in relational attachment injuries that create psychic & emotional subconscious wounds.
The good news is, though you didn’t deserve what happened to you & I’m so sorry that it did, if you’re meant to walk an awakened life, Life will bring you to heal.
Here are some signs to look out for in the realm of complex developmental trauma and relational injuries that now show up in your adult way of being in relationship.
1. You feel incredible discomfort when it comes to saying no – even when it’s what your heart wants to say
2. You give more to others than you do to yourself – even if it leaves you depleted & resentful
3. You don’t know what you need or what your limits are (you don’t assert boundaries)
4. It’s rare that you know how you feel or what you want
5. You stay in not-what-feels-right relationships because you don’t believe you can do better
6. You don’t use your voice to share the truth of your experience even if it means you’ll be disrespected or used
To reclaim your sense of self, start with seeing these as patterns stemming from trauma. These ways of being are not who you are but how you’ve learned to survive. You can heal these with some simple but powerful techniques.
First, hold the frame that there were a lot of messed up messages you received when you were growing up. These messages are socio-political, religious, racial, familial, cultural, economic… they permeated the dominant collective consciousness during the time of your formative years.
They have led you to disconnect from who you are and what you want. It’s not your fault that you inherited them.
2. Be willing to understand these patterns in yourself clearly. They are based in trauma. They are strategies you learned to use to feel safe and survive – in your family, in your community, in the world. Once you go towards these patterns as separate than you but parts of you that need you, you will begin to heal them.
3. Stay open to the big & important voice inside of you that KNOWS what’s best for you. That KNOWS what feels good and what doesn’t. Be open to trusting that voice more. I call this cultivating your Intuitive Authority. It’s a process I outline at length in Healing Back To Wholeness.
4. Create a self-intimacy practice. Every day, often, go within yourself. Check-in with yourself. Feel into your body. Ask yourself questions. Name what you feel. Feel what you feel. Aim to understand your beliefs & their origins. Be willing to deconstruct what doesn’t feel good or aligned with what you want.
Personal power is ours to embody. We deserve our own deep curiosity & compassion. We are equipped to reclaim what was lost.
We can heal ourselves through it all.
I’m so excited to announce this month’s live Conscious Relationships & Communication class this Sat 12/18 at 10amPT / 1pmET! In this intimate presentation I’ll be sharing what I’ve learned about trauma’s impact on relationship health, and the simple but powerful practices you can start implementing RIGHT AWAY to create Conscious Relationships & Communication.
Plus Q +A & the presentation slides! All those who register will receive a replay so sign up even if you can’t make it live!
